The Depths of Devotion
by Zelgadis55
Summary: Complete! How far would you go to save a loved one? For Kougaiji, his mother means everything but what if he realised that she wasn't all there is to his life? Kou P.O.V. Spoilers for Gunlock ep 6. Please R&R chap 1 slightly revised
1. Pt 1

Title: The Depths of Devotion

Author: Zelgadis55

Beta: Diva Urd

Series: Saiyuki

Rating: PG13

Warnings: Kougaiji-centric fic with major spoilers for Saiyuki Reload Gunlock episode 6. Based on events that started in Saiyuki Reload 14 – 16 and continued in Saiyuki Gunlock 2 – 6. Half this story is based on what happens to Kougaiji during those episodes and also goes on to tell of events that were only briefly touched upon in the episodes or not elaborated on. My version of what happened behind the scenes.

Disclaimer: Kougaiji and all other canon characters appearing in this, or any other fic I write do not belong to me but surely I can pretend a little even if only to myself. Saiyuki belongs to Kazuya Minekura and those that hold both the manga and anime rights.

A/N: This is my first time writing a fic like this, in first person POV. If you have any constructive suggestions, please let me know. Also, anything written in past tense signifies (obviously :-P) the past, anything written in present tense signifies what is happening now. Slightly revised.

* * *

The Depths of Devotion

Pt 1

I have never felt so nervous in my life, so worried that what I have done is beyond redemption. At my stepmother's command, _hers_ of all people, I unhesitatingly murdered one of my own. He had done nothing wrong, nothing except for being someone conveniently close by whom she could use as a test. If I had been myself at the time, I would have then been humiliated at what followed. I'm humiliated now thinking back on it, being commanded to pamper _her_, to being _her_ personal slave for those couple of hours. Most of all, I burn in shame over the murders of fellow youkai that I committed after that and of the way that I treated those closest to me.

Yaone and Dokugakuji, neither of them deserved how I have treated them. I treated them with disdain and even violence when they tried to show their concern for me. I even threatened to kill them should they get in my way… or even touch me.

I hesitated for a moment before turning to Yaone and Dokugakuji, offering them what I knew was a weak smile, "Will you follow me?" I asked, hoping that they would, yet knowing that I didn't deserve their loyalty. I watched them carefully, hoping that I was doing a good job of disguising the desperation that I was feeling. It would have been an unbecoming thing for me to let even my closest of friends to see, though I knew that under normal circumstances they wouldn't mind knowing my true feelings.

Yaone's hands shot up to cover her mouth and tears began flowing freely from her eyes, "Kougaiji-sama!" I heard her breathe softly, the happiness pouring out with each word.

Dokugakuji stood just behind her, leaning forward with his face a mixture of emotions. It was as if he didn't know whether to be happy, surprised or worried that this was all a dream. However, his words reassured me, unlike any others could have. "Have you lost your mind?" he asked with a laugh, "Do you really need to ask us that, Kou?"

My smile felt stronger, less uncertain, "Then let's go, we have things we need to do."

At those memories, I close my eyes, feeling the wind rush by as my hiryu flies through the air, Yaone holding onto me tightly as if the real me is going to disappear from her sight once more.

"I'm so relieved you're back with us, Kougaiji-sama." She speaks quietly into my ear. In truth, she is speaking a great deal louder than that but with the speed we are travelling at, her words are being snatched greedily by the wind as it rushes past us, making it difficult to hear her.

I turn my head and give her a sad smile, "Thank you for not giving up on me." I am truly grateful to both her and Dokugakuji. They both tried so many times to get through to me, even though I was unreachable. Nothing they had said or done made any difference, at least, not until that last fight with the Sanzo-ikkou.

I had left my friends behind at the castle in order to seek out the Maten Kyoumon that Sanzo possessed, for _her_. It hadn't been an easy search, though it had been a relentless, untiring one. I would have stayed on the hunt without stopping, until I dropped if need be. I didn't find Sanzo and his scripture but I did find Goku.

When it comes to Goku, I hold a great deal of respect for the young fighter. His fighting prowess and his never-say-die attitude are the most admirable things about him and even though he fights with such skill and has by necessity killed so many, Goku still retains that fundamental innocence. In many ways, he reminds me of my sister. Whenever I fought him and the rest of the Sanzo-ikkou in the past, I always tried to fight them under fair and even conditions. In my opinion, there is nothing worse than treating a honourable enemy in a disrespectful way. In truth, I really don't have the stomach for unfair fights. This time however, when I came across my enemy, I couldn't have cared less. In fact, I no longer cared about anything other than obeying that despicable woman's orders.

I came up behind Goku at a time when he was clearly exhausted and most likely injured from the fight he just finished. I didn't say a word to him but somehow, he knew I was there and he turned to face me. Unfortunately for him, he noticed me too late as I was already attacking.

In the fight that followed, I have to admit this, Goku put up an admirable fight. When he clearly could not, _should_ not, have fought any longer, he _still_ persisted, making comeback after comeback, especially when I threatened the human child who was screaming for me to leave 'Goku-niichan' alone. My enemy made a miraculous comeback then and actually managed to momentarily gain the upper hand. Luckily for Goku, his friends finally arrived and took over the fight from him. That was also when Yaone and Dokugakuji turned up as well. After we rescue my sister, I'll have to ask them about why they were with Sanzo and the other two.

As I was fighting Dokugakuji's younger brother, I vaguely recall Sanzo talking to my friends, even as he was getting ready to shoot at me again. I don't know what it was he said to them but it was then that they stopped staring in shock and moved to protect me. That was the first time I remember being unsure about my orders through the haze that my mind was buried in. I just couldn't understand _why_ they would help me when I had already made it clear for them to stay out of my way. What Yaone said, "Even if you didn't ask for this, I would still do the same thing," and what Dokugakuji said, "We don't care about Gyokumen Koushu's orders, only you matter," threw me into even more confusion and began to warm my heart again. It wasn't long afterward that Goku made another recovery, rejoining the fight with a particularly vicious, for him, attack on Dokugakuji. Though I didn't know why at the time, I jumped in the way of his attack, resulting in my being hit solidly and painfully over the head.

"Kougaiji-sama," Yaone calls from just behind me, "what are you smiling about?"

She sounds happy seeing me smile. I'm glad about that, after everything I have put her and Dokugakuji through. "Nothing really," I reply, turning in my seat to face her, "I was just thinking about how strange it is to be thankful about being hit by Goku's nyoi-bou. It's a strange thing to feel thankful about, don't you think?"

Her face lights up as she shakes her head with a smile, "No it's not, it brought you back to us." Her arms around me tighten a little, just for a moment, "Though we _were_ scared for a while that Goku might have killed you."

I give a small laugh, "It takes more than Goku and his little stick to kill me." I shake my head seriously, "I will _not_ die until after we rescue my sister and free my mother. There is _no_ other option."

I look ahead, realizing we aren't far from home as my thoughts began straying back to that important battle. When I saw Goku about to slam his nyoi-bou into Dokugakuji, my instincts took over and instead I found myself on the receiving end of that attack. Even as everything became dark, it all became light and clear once more. By taking that blow, I not only saved my best friend but I also regained my freedom of thought and action.

After everything I had already put everyone through, I didn't feel like pressing the attack any further. Besides, I knew Lirin was still in danger but unfortunately simply walking away from the Sanzo-ikkou was not and never is, an option. I also wanted to thank Goku for his help, unintentional as it was. I asked Dokugakuji to distract our enemy while I summoned a fire demon and sent it to attack them. As I expected them to, the Sanzo-ikkou backed themselves straight off of the cliff edge and into the water below. It wasn't like they had anywhere else they could go to avoid my summoned demon. Actually, it was quite amusing hearing Sanzo and Gojyo hurling abuse back up the cliff face. I called down to my enemies, telling them that next time, I would be taking the Maten Kyoumon so they had better be prepared.

That over, I turned and walked away from the cliff's edge, noting the expressions of surprise on the faces of those dearest to me. "Let's go, we still have things to do." I commanded. Then I paused and smiled softly, hoping they wouldn't notice how nervous I truly was. "Will you follow me?" I asked.

I break from my reverie as my hiryu lands gently near its stall, Dokugakuji's hiryu also landing just a few meters away. I wait for Yaone to climb off first before dismounting myself. Two hiryu keepers come and take the dragons from us, making sure they are well fed and looked after for the next time we or anyone else have need of them. Dokugakuji and Yaone stand there in front of me, waiting.

"Kou, do you have any idea where Lirin is being kept?" my best friend asks.

Though I try not to let my distress show, my heart clenches when he mentions my sister's name, guilt coursing through my being. About a month previously when Ni Jenyi Hakase first began putting me through his 'treatment' process to control me, I briefly broke free. My immediate thoughts not about Lirin but for my mother alone. Encased in stone as she has been for so long, she has always remained foremost within my mind. Freeing her has become my priority in life. There are those who are just as important to me but in my obsession over saving my dear mother, I forgot about them, about what might be happening to them. At the time, I didn't know that anything had happened to Lirin but not knowing is no excuse. I _should_ have realized. I _knew_ my stepmother, Lirin's mother, had some sort of plans for my sister and that she was holding off only because we were protecting her. Finally, I was 'safely' out of the way and since nobody could watch Lirin twenty four/seven, Lirin has always been too slippery for that, it was the perfect opportunity for them to take her. "I _should_ have known!" I whisper without realizing.

My apothecary and my right-hand man look at each other in concern. "You couldn't have known, Kou." Dokugakuji says quietly, reassuringly.

"What?" I ask in surprise.

"If you were talking about them taking Lirin-sama away, it's not your fault Kougaiji-sama. Both you and Dokugaku were away when it happened." I notice the pain fill Yaone's eyes as she speaks. "I was the one who was supposed to be looking after Lirin-sama, I was the one who let Gyokumen Koushu-sama trick me, I am the one…"

"Stop right there, Yaone, you are _not_ to blame!" I interrupt, "All three of us were fooled, one way or another. I don't blame you. I know that Lirin wouldn't blame you either." I add softly.

Yaone nods in response but she doesn't seem very convinced.

"Lirin is being held in one of Ni Jenyi's innermost labs." I pause, not particularly wanting to continue, "I know this is going to be hard for all of us but we need everyone that we come across to think I am still the puppet of Ni Jenyi and my stepmother." I can feel and hear my own hatred and bitterness creep into my voice as I speak of those I detest the most. Both my bodyguard and apothecary agree with what I tell them. Neither of my friends likes it but they seem to realize it is the only way for us to get to Lirin.

The three of us make our way deeper into the castle. I stride ahead with purpose, trying my hardest to make sure that my expression is as blank as possible, similar to that of the not-so-good doctor's other experimental puppets. My companions follow behind me, keeping a good couple of meters behind. None of us speak, though I know Yaone and Dokugakuji are doing their best to maintain a somewhat distressed air about them, like the one they had displayed before I broke free. That wouldn't really be very hard for them to pull off when I think about it, after all, they, like me, are worried about Lirin.

Any servants we come across who remain free of mind scurry away when they see me coming. Inside, I laugh hollowly. They have obviously heard that I am no longer the person I had been. They are afraid and rightfully so, since under Ni Jenyi's and my stepmother's control, I have killed without a second thought, an act that is now making me sick to my stomach. They don't know I am myself again… and they can't know until I… no, _we_ rescue Lirin. Any other inhabitants of the castle and they are unfortunately plentiful, don't pay any attention to either my followers or myself.

We make it to Ni Jenyi's inner lab without incident. Thankfully, we don't come across that monster himself. At this point, I don't truly know _what_ I would do to that bastard if I saw him. I hate the manipulative son of a bitch more than almost anybody else. In my opinion, Ni Jenyi and my stepmother deserve each other.

'There, it's behind those doors where Lirin is being experimented on.' I think as I spot the entrance. I make a beeline for the doors, planning to walk straight in - and that is when we begin to hit trouble.

To be concluded

* * *


	2. Pt 2

Title: The Depths of Devotion

Author: Zelgadis55

Beta: Diva Urd

Series: Saiyuki

Rating: PG13

Warnings: Kougaiji-centric fic with major spoilers for Saiyuki Reload Gunlock episode 6. Based on events that started in Saiyuki Reload 14 – 16 and continued in Saiyuki Gunlock 2 – 6. Half this story is based on what happens to Kougaiji during those episodes and also goes on to tell of events that were only briefly touched upon in the episodes or not elaborated on. My version of what happened behind the scenes.

Disclaimer: Kougaiji and all other canon characters appearing in this, or any other fic I write do not belong to me but surely I can pretend a little even if only to myself. Saiyuki belongs to Kazuya Minekura and those that hold both the manga and anime rights.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**The Depths of Devotion**

**Pt 2**

'There! It's behind those doors where Lirin's being experimented on.' I think as I spot the entrance. I make a beeline for them, planning to walk straight in and that is when we begin to hit trouble.

"Kougaiji-sama! Wait!" A young lab assistant calls as she runs ahead of me, barricading the door with her arms out stretched. "You can't go in there! The experiment's are at a critical stage and _those_ two certainly can't enter. Ni Jenyi Hakase would do worse than kill me if I allowed them entry." she cries.

I look her square in the eyes, "If you don't get out my way, I will kill you." I say in a flat tone. The young woman looks terrified. She obviously knows all too well of what has been done to my mind and body in these labs recently. Tears fill her frightened eyes.

"Please Kougaiji-sama, I don't want to die," she whimpers, "but I'm under orders from your master not to let anyone in."

'My… _master_?' Rage fills my thoughts and I can keep silent no longer. I stride the remaining couple of steps to her and slam the palm of my hand onto the wall beside her head. "He is _not_ my master!" I say with barely restrained fury. "Ni Jenyi is not fit to even be a dog's master!"

Light dawns in her eyes, as she seems to realize that I have broken free of his control. "Kou… Kougaiji-sama?" she whispers in fear and what sounds like a little hope, "If I let you in there I would be better off dead."

I breathe in deeply, trying to calm my thoughts, my hand still against the wall. "And if you were to have been knocked unconscious _before_ we enter?" I watch as her eyes focus on the floor. She swallows before finally meeting my gaze and nodding.

"Alright, that should work… I hope." She whispers.

I step away from her, turning to face my apothecary. "Yaone!"

She smiles at me, "Hai Kougaiji-sama." She says as she reaches in the pouch where she keeps her medicines, ingredients and small explosives. She searches briefly, pulling out one ampoule in particular. "Kougaiji-sama, Dokugaku, please stand well back. I don't want either of you breathing this gas in."

She walks over to the lab assistant as Dokugakuji and I walk back near the lab's entrance. "Please breathe this in. This gas won't harm you and the only after-effects will be a headache for a couple of hours." Yaone speaks reassuringly as I watch her break open the small ampoule underneath the assistant's nose.

The young woman nods briefly, obviously scared, before succumbing to the effects of Yaone's sleeping gas. Yaone then walks over to us, breathing deeply once she comes near. She looks up at me with a smile. "It was only a small amount of gas, so it will have cleared by now Kougaiji-sama."

I acknowledge her report with a slight smile in return and walk directly to the inner doors, pushing them open and stepping inside, Yaone and Dokugakuji flanking me on either side. I hear Yaone gasp as we enter the room. In the centre, there is a large clear vat filled with what I believe must be some kind of oxygenated liquid and floating upside down within it is my sister. I clench my teeth and fists in fury at the sight. I have seen this before but at the time, my thoughts were so clouded over that I paid no attention to her. 'Lirin, I'm sorry, I'll get you out now.' I promise silently, striding towards her.

"Ouji-sama, you and your… _retainers_ must leave."

I narrow my eyes as I look to the source of the voice. Another lab assistant, only _this_ one, Menjou, if I recall correctly, would be a little more trouble than the last. "We will not leave."

"Not without Lirin!" Dokugakuji adds, backing me up.

"I see, then I can safely assume that you have broken your programming?" His gaze focuses on me, never once shifting. To tell the truth, it feels a little discomforting but I have never been one to back down unless I feel as though I owe someone and I certainly am not planning on starting to back down now. Besides, I _do_ owe this particular person something. I owe him for his part in Lirin's treatment and I owe him for the way he tried provoking me in the previous couple of weeks when they were testing how well my… brainwashing had taken hold. Most of all, I owe him for standing in my way now.

I smile tightly, "You may assume so. As a result of Ni Jenyi's failure you have three choices. You can help us, you can get out of our way and watch us take my sister or if you remain in our way, you can die." I have never enjoyed killing anyone very much, human or youkai. After all, what race a person is doesn't make much difference but I will never let my dislike of killing stop me if I feel there isn't any other way. Based on past experience, I know what is coming next and I am right.

"I have a fourth choice, your _friends_," Menjou sneers at me, "can die and _you_ can be treated again, more thoroughly this time." He gives two quick successive claps and four guards with barcodes on their foreheads step out of the corners of the lab and attack us head on. Wonderful but not unexpected, we knew that this wouldn't be easy when we planned this rescue.

Out of the corners of my yes, I notice brief flashes of light as Dokugakuji and Yaone summon their weapons. I'm glad that Yaone in particular is using her spear rather than the explosives she normally uses. I'm glad for the same reason that I will have to be careful when using my fire. It's not that I particularly care about protecting the lab as such, it is more that I don't want to risk Lirin getting hurt by any damage to the equipment or feedback of any kind. 'No matter,' I think, 'I wont need to use my flame against these. My physical fighting abilities should be more than enough to take care of a couple of brainwashed guards.'

"Subdue Kougaiji-sama and kill the other two." Menjou commands loudly. "And watch out for the lab equipment or Ni Hakase will have your heads."

'Humph! More like he will have _yours_!' I think as I punch one aggressor and kick at the other. The two regain their balance quickly, not even wincing or otherwise reacting to my blows. They brandish the staffs that all guards at Houtou Castle carry as they renew their attack. The staffs aren't the type of weapon that most youkai can summon, are mass manufactured and can therefore be easily disposed of. One of the guards lunges with his weapon suddenly, aiming the bladed end towards my chest. I easily sidestep, grabbing the weapon in mid-thrust and using the momentum of the guard's attack as I yank it neatly from within the owner's grasp. Even as he stumbles, I swing my leg out, sweeping the guard off his feet and letting him fall to the ground. At the same time as I knock the first guard down, I use the staff I have confiscated to parry against the weapon the other guard was using as he tries to strike me down. I realize that if I am not careful, my back will be to my fallen enemy and even though these two are relatively weak fighters, I know that there is the possibility of trouble if I allow that to happen so I quickly jump out of range from my opponents. I summon just enough flame to warp and melt the metal of the staff I had claimed, dropping it as I run back towards my enemy, approaching him from the outside.

Both are already back on their feet when I reach them and they try to flank me from either side. They are quite fast but they're not fast enough and I decide it's time to end this waste of time keeping me from my sister. The enemy who is still holding a weapon lunges and I sidestep again, grabbing the weapon like before but this time, instead of claiming it for myself, I merely redirect the guard's aim a little, skewering my weapon-less opponent and killing him instantly. As he dies, he doesn't make a sound, 'Just as he was programmed to.' I think bitterly, 'After all, why keep anything unnecessary?'

The remaining guard likewise doesn't blink, he just continues his attempts to take me down. I hit him hard enough that he goes crashing into the wall, sliding down its surface and not rising again. Without taking any time to think, I turn to find where Menjou is and find he is right behind me, about to attack me with a tonfa-like weapon. Instead of it being blunt at its end like most, this tonfa comes to a vicious point and looks somewhat ungainly. To me, it seems like an impractical weapon for a lab assistant to carry but then again, Menjou isn't a normal lab assistant. He is a bully and like all such people, he is a coward. Once he realizes that his sneak attack is no longer viable, he swallows nervously and turns tail, running out of the lab as though his life depends on it. He's right, it did. I dismiss all thought of the man from my mind, I have other, more important things to think about, like my sister.

I look for my two friends and smile to see that Dokugakuji has finished his fight and Yaone is just finishing hers. While trying to maintain a calm air, I walk over to the clear tank that Lirin is contained within and begin to look for the way to get her out. Yaone and Dokugakuji soon join me and together, the three of us study the nearby control panels.

"Kou, I've found it." Dokugakuji speaks up, relief filling his voice after a couple of minutes of searching.

As Yaone and I move towards him, he presses a couple of buttons on the panel and the liquid that Lirin is immersed in begins to drain. Anxiously I watch while she sinks lower within the receding level of the tank. Once it is completely drained, the cylindrical tank begins to rise with a pneumatic hiss, leaving my sister laying on the platform within, wet and unmoving. A chill runs through my body, she doesn't appear to be breathing. "Yaone…" I begin but my apothecary is already running towards her and I waste no more time with useless words.

Yaone empties the liquid remaining within Lirin's mouth and partially turns to face me, "I'm sure Lirin-sama will be fine Kougaiji-sama. Dokugaku can watch my back while I look after her."

"That's right, Kou. You should go do what you need to do." Dokugakuji adds as Yaone returns all her attention to my sister.

Still, I hesitate. I want to see Lirin awake for myself to make sure she is fine but I also need to confront Ni Jenyi and let him know that his sick, twisted little game is over and that he won't be getting his hands on Lirin or myself again.

Lirin begins coughing and I become all the more worried until Yaone makes some soothing sounds and Lirin settles. "This is a good sign Kougaiji-sama. The fact that she is coughing like this shows that her lungs are readjusting to breathing normal air once more."

I nod gratefully even though I know Yaone can't see me, "I'm going ahead then." I say, feeling that I can safely leave Lirin to Yaone and Dokugakuji.

- - -

Not long after, I reach Ni Jenyi's more public lab. Taking a deep breath, I try to quell the rage that is threatening to take over my senses. It isn't easy but I know I can delay no longer, if I do, I will be risking what little emotional control I have left. As I walk up to the door, my outward calm belying my inner fury, one of Ni Jenyi's servants steps in front of me and tells me that he will announce to Ni Hakase that I am here to see him. I nod silently in acknowledgement and breathe deeply once more as he walks to the door, causing it to automatically slide open.

He walks inside and I hear him speak, "Excuse me, I have a report for you. Kougaiji-sama has returned."

"Welcome back" Ni Jenyi says, making me feel unclean with that sickening tone of his. I step in and walk to the table where he and his regular chess partner are playing, Huwan Hakase standing just behind him. I am silent and manage to betray little, if any emotion. "It's pointless to tell me _how_ you killed the Sanzo-ikkou, just tell me that you killed them and hand over the Maten Kyoumon. It looks as though we need to do a little more work on you." The bastard smirks and I start to shake, finding it difficult to control my anger any longer.

"Take off your clothes."

The chess table they are playing on goes flying partway across the room as I kick it in sudden rage. _How DARE he! _I find it hard enough just coming in here to confront him without him making comments like _that_! _Nobody_ has _ever_ infuriated me more than _him,_ with the exception of Gyokumen Koushu. _Both of them make me sick_! I try not to let them see how they affect me but it's hard. Right now though, Ni Jenyi has managed to go _too_ far. I can_not_, _will not_ put up with his suggestions and his treatment of my sister, my friends or myself _any_ longer. I glare down at him and he stares back, amusement clearly showing on his face. It only makes me angrier.

There is crashing sounds coming from the other side of the door and I hear it open. A voice rings out, "_Stop_! _You can't take her in there_!"

"You… you people!" Huwan Hakase says in shock.

"Ehh?" Ni Jenyi somehow manages to look even more amused, tossing his game piece up in the air and catching it again repeatedly as he speaks. "Tell me for next time, how _did_ you regain your former self?" he asks pleasantly, as in a casual conversation.

"There will be no next time, I will _not_ become your toy again!" I reply furiously. I raise my arm and point one claw at the man, "Don't misunderstand me, I plan to defeat Sanzo and bring back the scripture but I will fight in my own way! I will fight _my own_ way for Hahaue's sake and ours too. I will _not_ become one of your mindless _pawns ever again_!"

"Huhhh…" An exhausted breath emerges from my sister, "Onii-chan…" she breathes weakly.

I turn to see Lirin smiling happily, though tiredly, up at me, reaching out her hand. Without even realising it, my hand takes hers within its grasp and I smile softly back at her, genuinely happy even considering most of the rest of the company within this room. Dokugakuji holds her carefully but securely within his arms, a sheet from the lab is wrapped loosely around her, covering up her otherwise naked form. Yaone stands slightly behind and off to the side of my friend. It is good to have all four of us back together again.

"I knew… you'd come for me onii-chan." Lirin whispers, having trouble keeping her eyes open.

I continue to hold her hand for a moment, even as I turn my head back to face Ni Hakase once more, this time a lot calmer than before. "You once told me something, 'never let go of what is precious'." I remind him, "For me, even if I were to lose it again, no matter_ how_ many times it would take, I will reach out and take it back, _every time_!"

As I turn to leave, Ni Hakase began throwing his chess piece up and down once more, trying to act as if there had been no setbacks to any of his plans. None of us are fooled. I walk through the door, my companions close behind me and pause, turning my head back for a moment, "Earlier today, I saw the light. That's something _you_ wouldn't understand!"

- - -

Not long after we left the lab and its occupants to themselves, I take Lirin from Dokugakuji's arms and carry her myself. She is still awake but fighting hard to keep that way. I smile tenderly down at my younger sister. "Don't fight Lirin, just go to sleep."

"I don't want to onii-chan," she murmurs sleepily, "I don't want to wake up to find that you and Yaone and Dokugaku are just a dream."

"We'll be by your side when you wake up." I reassure her gently. "I promise." Lirin smiles in relief and finally gives up her fight against sleep.

We continue to Lirin's room, walking through the ancient soulless corridors and halls of Houtou Castle and by the time we reach our destination, Gyokumen Koushu is waiting for us with an unpleasant look on her face… let me correct myself, it is seeing _her_ that is unpleasant.

"My dear Kougaiji," she attempts to sound pleasant, "its vital that you return my daughter to Ni Hakase. Her presence is very important for the experiments to revive my beloved, your father." The way she speaks, it sounds as though she still expects me to obey her every whim. Not anymore!

"That's not going to happen," I reply, feeling strangely calm, "Lirin is now under my protection and that of Yaone and Dokugakuji. Since they answer directly to me, you will find that you cannot order them to return her either. She may be your daughter but she is _my_ sister and I will _not_ see her used for some perverted scientist's sick experiment."

If it really were possible for looks to kill, the hatred in her eyes surely would have fried me by now. "What of your mother, Kougaiji? Have you forgotten about _her_?"

"I have not forgotten about Hahaue. My promise was to bring back the Maten Kyoumon in exchange for your releasing her from that binding spell and I intend to fulfil that promise and that promise only. She may be the most precious person in my life but some other things can be just as important."

The expression on Gyokumen's face told me that she will not forget my insolence and that I should be wary of her in the future. That is fine by me, I have never trusted her anyway, in fact, I despise her.

She glances from me to Dokugakuji and Yaone who, during our exchange have stepped forward to stand beside me, presenting us with a united front against her. The hateful woman, Lirin's mother, then turns on her heels and strides furiously away. I watch, thankful that she has decided to retreat for now. The four of us need time to heal after everything that has happened over the last month and having to deal further with her will not help matters in the slightest.

We enter Lirin's room at last and I marvel at how clean it is despite its month of disuse, there is little, if any, dust in sight. Yaone helps me to place my sister carefully into her bed and then I drag a large stuffed chair close to sit down and wait for Lirin to awaken, keeping the promise I made to her.

Yaone smiles softly at Dokugakuji and myself, affection and happiness filling her face and voice, "You both must be hungry, I'll bring us back something." She offers, taking off before either of us can reply.

After a few minutes, Dokugakuji speaks aloud, "Kou, I'm sorry about everything." He shakes his head unhappily. "I should _never_ have handed you over to Ni Jenyi. Its just… at the time, it seemed like the only option."

I look over to him, "Doku…"

"_Please_ let me finish." He interrupts. "When I brought you back from that fight with the Sanzou-ikkou, you were hurt so badly that I didn't know if you were going to survive. They told me Yaone was out on a mission and that is why I accepted Ni Jenyi's offer to treat you."

He closes his eyes in mental anguish, "In truth, it turned out that Yaone was being held captive, partly to prevent me from taking you to her and also to stop her from protecting Lirin." Dokugakuji opens his eyes again, looking directly into my eyes as he continues to speak. "It was all one big trap Kou, a trap to get you, from the moment Ni Jenyi manipulated you into going after the scripture and me into chasing after you."

My friend looks as though he is about to continue further so I speak first. "Don't you think I realize that?" I ask, "Even as Ni Jenyi was giving me incentive to chase the Sanzo-ikkou, I was aware that it was a trap. When I was out there fighting, I hesitated in taking the final bait for a couple of reasons. One, I truly wanted to fight and win in my own way and two, because I was trying to avoid the trap itself. Unfortunately, Ni Jenyi is like a devil. His words can be extremely persuasive and smooth when he wants them to be. He effectively managed to sow the seeds of desperation within me."

I hesitate for a moment, taking a deep breath before continuing to speak. "You know yourself just how much I want to save Hahaue and as usual, he managed to play on that but there was also one other part to his persuasion this time. I was also trying hard to keep you, Yaone and Lirin safe, not just physically but emotionally too. Ni Jenyi tried threatening me by digging up things from your pasts that I know all of you would rather be kept quiet. Some things that I already knew and a couple that I didn't."

"I know Kou, I saw the report with it written on. Another part of his trap." Dokugakuji adds as Yaone comes back into the room, a couple of trays of food balanced precariously on one arm as she opens the door.

I nod, vaguely recalling that I accidentally dropped the information Ni Jenyi had given me when I ran away from Dokugakuji but I was too spooked by the veiled threats to my sister and friends that I didn't go back for it. "My immediate concern was to leave you all behind so I wouldn't… _couldn't_ put you at any more risk."

"I don't mean to interrupt, Kougaiji-sama..." Yaone gently speaks up from just behind us.

"No, that's alright." I answer honestly.

She nods and continues to speak. "Don't you think that us being at risk is _our own_ choice? We _want_ to be with you and to help you in _any_ way we can. Its not just some misguided sense of loyalty, its our own decision. Both of us have told you that before and we will keep on telling you that as much as we need to." Yaone colours slightly and adds in a rush, "I'm sorry if I overstepped my mark, Kougaiji-sama but I felt I needed to say that again."

"No, you're right, Yaone. If I had let us remain the team we are instead of going off on my own while in that mood, none of this would probably have happened. I let both my pride and my concern get the better of me, mainly my pride and for that, I apologize." I admit before continuing on, changing the subject slightly. "From now on, we are going to have to try to keep a closer eye on Lirin, all three of us and for when we can't, I'll have to find someone else who we can trust to help."

My two dearest and only true friends both agree and Yaone passes Dokugakuji and myself a plate. She takes one for herself and leaves the fourth for when Lirin wakes.

As we begin to eat, I look down at my peacefully sleeping sister. "I can't afford to lose you again," I smile softly before turning my head to face first one and then the other of my friends, "or either of you." I sigh an inaudible sigh, happy to have my friends… my _family_ back and this time, I won't lose them again.

Owari

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A/N:

Ouji-sama: prince

Hakase: someone holding a doctoral degree

Onii-chan: older brother

Well, that's my first Kougaiji fic done and I feel quite happy about it, even if part of it was a pain. At any rate, I really wanted to do this one properly and I must give a huge thank you to Diva Urd for all the help and advice she gave me during the betaing stage of this fic. I _really_ appreciate it, especially considering my over-anxiety with getting this right. Any and all mistakes remaining are definitely my own.

Tora Macaw, Thanks for the review :-)


End file.
